Category Archives: Humour

First Love

05 Saturday May 2012

Posted by in Daily life, Humour, Longing & Waiting, Poetry

≈ 39 Comments

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Teddy Bear
I held you tight

and clung to you,

my love for you untold.

I stared into you deep brown eyes,

my heart was yours to hold.

 

So soft to touch,

I kept you close,

I kissed your furry ears.

My love, my friend, my confidante,

my darling teddy bear.

 

You shared my secrets,

calmed my fears,

as you watched over me.

You’ve watched me grow over the years,

a birthday gift at three.

 

You stood by me,

in hours of need,

and protected me at night.

When I was ill, you’d comfort me,

and soothe me ‘til the light.

 

I cried for you,

and made a fuss,

my teddy bear most dear;

hanging wet upon the line,

one peg upon each ear.

 

We’ve had our scrapes,

both you and me,

but survived them none the less;

the time the dog played tug o’ war…

but I sewed back your head.

 

Now I’m grown,

no more a child,

It’s you that I adore.

Although you’re bald, you’re my first love,

my one eyed teddy bear.

 

 

© First Love 2012

By Alexandra Carr-Malcolm

Teddy Bear (Photo credit: ertemplin)

Raised Eyebrow….

04 Friday May 2012

Posted by in Humour, Poetry

≈ 5 Comments

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(Tongue in cheek)

 

Maybe it’s a compliment,

you duplicate words I use.

Should I be happy that,

it was my lines you choose,

to replicate and mirror

and claim them for your own,

maybe it’s an accident that it

came out, like my poem?

 

I wonder were my words profound

and they made a mark on you?

I’m sure you’d never copy

the ramblings that I do.

 

 

Don’t get me wrong,

I’m flattered, that I inspired you,

to write a little ditty

the same way that I do,

but please try to be mindful,

and recognise the sight,

that I sign up to copyscape

to protect my copyright.

 

 

© Raised eyebrow 2012

By Alexandra Carr-Malcolm

Slow Day

26 Thursday Apr 2012

Posted by in Daily life, Humour

≈ 26 Comments

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I’ve checked my stats,

it’s so slow today.

What’s going on?

No one’s reading poetry.

 

I’ve checked the counter,

and gave it a tap.

I think it is broken –

well… this is crap!

 

I’ve writ my heart out!

(at least I’ve tried…)

What’s going on?

Have my followers died?

 

I’m clicking refresh,

and I’ve broken F5!

Still no views –

anyone alive?

 

I’ll keep a check.

C’mon orange square-

please flash up…

show that someone cares!

 

© Slow Day 2012

By Alexandra Carr-Malcolm 🙂

 

QWERTY keyboard, on 2007 Sony Vaio laptop comp...

Not Going Right Day!

25 Wednesday Apr 2012

Posted by in Daily life, Humour, Poetry

≈ 9 Comments

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It’s a not going right day,

my alarm did not sound,

so I’m late and I’m cross,

and I’m rushing around.

 

It’s a not going right day,

I quickly undress,

the shower’s luke warm,

now I’m cold and I’m stressed!

 

It’s a not going right day,

I’ve run for the bus,

the driver didn’t see me,

he’s pulled off in a rush.

 

It’s a not going right day,

the rain lashes down,

(I’ve forgotten my brolly,)

as I walk into town.

 

It’s a not going right day,

I won’t be on time.

I look at my watch,

it’s one minute to nine.

 

‘It’s a not going right day!’

the receptionist shouts.

I look down and I cringe,

my top’s inside out!

 

It’s a not going right day,

I’ve forgotten my phone.

Each job is a nightmare,

and I long to go home.

 

It’s a not going right day,

but not for long…

as I see a bright rainbow,

and birds burst into song.

 

© Not Going Right Day 2012

by Alexandra Carr-Malcolm

 

 

Puddle reflection. Red Hill VA, April 2009

Puddle reflection. Red Hill VA, April 2009 (Photo credit: Janet Moore-Coll)

It’s not easy being me!

22 Sunday Apr 2012

Posted by in Daily life, Humour, Poetry

≈ 8 Comments

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I know that I’m quite different.

I realise I’m strange;

that feeling that I don’t quite fit,

you stare like I’m deranged!

 

I think quite different that I know,

my thoughts are upside-down;

If you say left then I’ll say right

and when I smile you frown.

 

We are from different planets

you’re black and I am white,

but one thing that is evident

you’re wrong and I am right.

 

Don’t scowl or try to judge me,

sit back and wait and see.

I really am quite perfect,

It’s not easy being me!

A couple of 14-carat gold wedding rings. Pictu...

© It’s not easy being me 22.04.2012

by Alexandra Carr-Malcolm

Ode to my Sons

20 Friday Apr 2012

Posted by in Daily life, Humour, Poetry

≈ 11 Comments

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Shoes

The toilet is a clever thing

with a lid, most like a door;

so please don’t wee upon the seat

or pee upon the floor!

 

Microwave or cooker,

it really matters not,

this magical flamboyance

will make your meals get hot.

 

Dishwashers are quite practical,

they clean pots ’til they gleam.

No clever sleight or trick to it,

just put the damn things in!

 

Crockery -or pots as we call them

are aids to keep you fed,

they aren’t for decoration,

don’t put them under your bed!

 

Food is quite sensational,

groovy in every way;

but when I go out shopping

don’t eat it in a day.

 

Clothes are sneaky demons,

they hide and split and breed,

but when they are all dirty

please put them in the machine.

 

Doors really are quite functional

they keep out draft and cold

and if you are from Derbyshire,

we say * ‘put wood in t’hole!’

 

The dog is cute, the dog is cool,

on this I must agree;

get of your arse, once in a while,

and take him for a wee.

 

I am your Mum – pink is my colour,

pink means it is MY stuff,

from ipod, pens to scarf and socks,

just keep your damn hands off!

 

* Derbyshire saying meaning – shut the door!!!

 

© Ode to my Sons 2012

by Alexandra Carr-Malcolm

Camping Capers

10 Tuesday Apr 2012

Posted by in Humour, Poetry

≈ 3 Comments

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[en] camping, tent

I’m back from Devon,

I really am!

We stayed in a tent –

not a caravan!

 

They said it’d be cold,

I didn’t believe ‘em,

now I want to go home,

to my central heating.

 

The tent was fun,

it really was!

I really enjoyed it,

despite the frost.

 

The night was long,

we had power cuts;

we couldn’t do owt,

it drove us nuts!

 

The rain lashed down,

and the winds were a fright.

We sat and played Black Jack

on a cold, dark camp site.

 

I hated the night time,

I really did!

It was so flippin’ noisy,

sleep? – God forbid!

 

For hours at a time

the little ones whinged.

All the drunks they sang songs,

whilst the sober ones cringed.

 

Early morning was quiet.

No – I lied,  it was not!

The babies would bawl

to get out of their cot.

 

The mud was fun

as we took down the tent;

the rain not so much,

and I started to vent!

 

A six hour trip

and now we are near.

Was it all worth it –

shall we do it next year?

 

 

© Camping Capers 2012

by Alexandra Carr-Malcolm

 

camping, tent (Photo credit: Wikipedia)”]

The Queen’s Dreams

04 Wednesday Apr 2012

Posted by in Daily life, Humour, Poetry

≈ 10 Comments

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Queen of United Kingdom (as well as Canada, Au...

Queen of United Kingdom (as well as Canada, Australia, and other Commonwealth realms) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Queen sat on her regal throne,

surveying all she could see;

(but really all she wanted

was a lovely cup of tea.)

 

Crowds were waiting with baited breath,

the flags were all a flutter.

Cameras flashed from left to right

(Tea with scones and some butter!)

 

Reporters pushed and jostled the crowd;

Policeman guarded the path,

visitors cheered and children waved

(after tea, a bubble bath?)

 

Back home at the palace, all alone

she kicked off her royal shoes,

sank into her favourite comfy chair

(and wiggled her aching toes)

 

Hither and thither the corgis scamper,

pleased to be back at home –

Emma, Linnet, Holly, and Willow

(Oh for some time alone!)

 

The Queen was tired and went to bed,

she snuggled down to rest;

thinking of the day’s events

(My job is just the best!)

 

© The Queen’s Dreams

by Alexandra Carr-Malcolm

 

Welsh Corgi

Welsh Corgi (Photo credit: sⓘndy°)

The Cat Sat on the Mat

12 Monday Mar 2012

Posted by in Deep Stuff!, Humour, Poetry, Worldly Winds

≈ 10 Comments

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Just sitting…

Just sitting on this mat,

my mind like a Cat.

Is herding cats quite possible?

I ponder; be philosophical!

 

Just sitting…

Just sitting on this mat,

my mind like a Puma.

Sleek and slick and lurking,

my fantasies still flirting!

 

Just sitting…

Just sitting on this mat,

my mind like a Tiger.

Hunting prey and stalking,

when do the thoughts stop talking?

 

Just sitting…

Just sitting on this mat,

my mind like an Ocelot.

No reason to this rhyme,

but to highlight I cough a lot!

 

Just sitting…

Just sitting on this mat,

my mind like a Lion.

Ferocious and unstoppable,

Enlightenment quite possible!

 

 

© The Cat sat on the Mat 12/03/2012

by Alexandra Carr-Malcolm

Image