St Helena’s Reply

30 Sunday Apr 2017

Posted by Worldly Winds in Humour, NaPoWriMo17, Poetry

Tags

Alex Carr-Malcolm poet, Alexandra Carr-Malcolm poetry, Alexandra Carr-Malcolm St Helena's Reply, NaPoWriMo17, poetry, St Helena School Chesterfield, St Helena's Reply, Worldly Winds poetry

Today has been the last day of NaPoWriMo – I have thoroughly enjoyed participating and enjoyed your responses and feedback.

As Promised – here is St Helena’s reply to yesterdays poem – enjoy!!

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St Helena’s Reply

Oh my dear, my poor sweet gal,

I did warn you of the dangers.

In my own archaic way,

I showed you men were stranger.

I made the rules, you were no fools!

I had to be quite cunning;

with your lip gloss and your skinny ties,

you were glamorous and stunning.

You wore the schoolgirl uniform,

of crimplene and nylon,

thick wool tights, and capes with stripes

polyester shirt with tie on.

No coloured hair, no coloured socks,

and shoes fit for the army,

A-Line skirts and gingham frocks,

the blazers drove you barmy.

The gym kit was my own idea,

with gore-tex tops – no glamour.

Navy knickers from knee to ear,

nothing stylish to enamour.

The school rule drill of measuring skirts,

two inch below the knee line,

needle and thread, we’ll have no flirts,

but still you rolled the waistline.

I heard you sing my Pioneer hymn,

and make up your own version,

Pie and Peas, Oh Pie and Peas,

was not an apt subversion.

But did you heed all that I said?

No – you were capricious, smart, and rowdy,

I did my best, you passed the test,

and I couldn’t be more prouder!

St Helena’s Reply by Alexandra Carr-Malcolm

18.02.17

blog3

The Hula-Hoop of Hindrance

12 Tuesday Apr 2016

Posted by Worldly Winds in Humour, NaPoWriMo 2016, Poetry

≈ 13 Comments

Tags

Alex Carr-Malcolm poet, Alex Carr-Malcolm poetry, Alexandra Carr-Malcolm, Buddhism, hula-hoop, humour, napowrimo, NaPoWriMo 2016, NaPoWriMo16, poetry, The hula-hoop of hindrance, Yorkshire poet

Hello dear friends – well it has been a testing couple of weeks – hefty car repair bill, washing machine repairs, cancelled appointments, a funeral, and now I think I am coming down with a lurgy!

This is an old poem, but it always makes me smile. I wrote it on retreat and it is a metaphor for being inhibited and restricted by our habits. I hope it makes you smile too 🙂

The Hula-Hoop of Hindrance

I saw it in the playground,

when I was only three,

the hula-hoop of hindrance,

resting by a tree.

It was pretty, pink, and sparkly,

with unicorns and glitter,

it even had, ‘go faster’ stripes,

so I could hula quicker.

I put it ‘round my tiny waist,

and hula’d round the yard,

little did I realise,

that it would make life hard.

I learned to love my hula-hoop,

though I was only four,

when I went to bed at night,

I’d leave it by the door.

I realised when I was five

(and also at aged six)

that I had been quite naïve

my hula habit fixed.

This went on – my dearest friends,

throughout my adult life,

attachment to my hula-hoop,

caused me so much strife.

When cooking in the kitchen,

and trying to eat my dinner,

my hula hoop got in the way,

and I just grew much thinner.

and when I met my boyfriend,

I’d hula-hoop for joy,

but holding hands whilst hula-ing,

well… the romance is destroyed.

Showering or getting dressed,

at work, at home, at play,

my pretty, sparkly hula-hoop,

was always in the way.

When I went upon retreat,

there was no problem there;

for there were many hula hoops,

that we could swap and share!

Then, Maitripala gave a talk,

about the hula habit,

if we can see the gateway….

the freedom’s there, so grab it!!

The moral of this story,

is not too clear to see,

but if you choose a skipping rope,

you can set yourself free.

One day I hope my hula-hoop,

will rest against that tree,

and if you choose to have a go,

it’s going, gratis, free!!

by Alexandra Carr-Malcolm

Carole Withany (Series)

18 Saturday Apr 2015

Posted by Worldly Winds in Humour, NaPoWriMo, Poetry

≈ 8 Comments

Tags

Alex Carr-Malcolm poet, Alex Carr-Malcolm poetry, Alexandra Carr-Malcolm, best friends, Carole Withany, friendship, humour, napowrimo, UK poet, Uk poetry, Yorkshire poet

Carole Withany

I have a friend,

Carole with an ‘e’,

who always,

courted tragedy.

She is the one,

that you will know,

skirt tucked in pants,

she crossed the road.

With flashing earrings –

Disco diva,

at party time,

you dare not leave her.

Across the floor,

her stuff she’ll strut,

with loo roll fluttering,

from her foot.

She plays the bagpipes,

I swear it’s true!

With cheeks bright red,

she’ll kill a tune!

If she were a colour,

I have to say,

shocking pink,

would make her day!

You know the saying…

Why’s it me?

That comes from my friend,

Carol Withany.

We all will know,

a Carole Withany,

she is the best friend,

that could ever be!

By Alexandra Carr-Malcolm

Carole Withany II (Dave’s Seagull)

One summer’s day,

they strolled by the sea,

hand holding hand,

Dave and Carole Withany.

The seagulls they circled,

and the sea it did sigh,

an idea did emerge,

as Carole watched them fly by.

She looked up to the heavens,

excited she declared,

give me 50p

and that’s your bird there!

You’ll know Dave’s own seagull,

as it soars on the wing,

with a strong Yorkshire accent,

‘ee by gum’, it will sing.

Now legend still has it,

as myth is passed down,

that Dave’s special seagull,

has been seen in this town.

Now Dave is so happy,

and watches with glee,

for his very own seagull,

that cost 50p

By Alexandra Carr-Malcolm

Carole Withany III – Rave!

Aunty Carole and Uncle Dave,

went out one night,

to a warehouse Rave!

With bobble hats,

upon their head,

they danced until,

they felt half-dead.

With neon whistles,

around their neck,

they bopped away,

they did – by ‘eck!

Around the clock,

– until half ten,

then they went,

back home again.

They made a cuppa,

took off their coats,

then snuggled up to

watch, ‘Murder She Wrote’.

Dave looked at Carole,

and with a grin,

said, ‘I’m really glad,

we didn’t stay in!’

With matching PJ’s,

and his ‘n’ her mugs,

Carole Withany,

gave him a hug!

By Alexandra Carr-Malcolm

Carole Withany IV – The Holiday

Dave and Carole Withany,

set out for a holiday,

by the sea…

They loaded the car,

and packed their tent,

Said ta-ra to the neighbours,

and off they went.

The morning was bright,

and promised cheer,

with skies azure blue,

not a cloud – all was clear.

With sat nav, now primed,

and map at the ready,

the sun kissed the sky,

and the traffic was steady.

“To Cleethorpes we go!”

Carole started to cheer,

but the weather was changing,

and grey clouds did appear.

The snow did flutter,

and the wind picked up,

the clouds became greyer,

poor Dave looked fed-up.

At last they arrived,

snow covering the ground,

they unpacked the tent,

while the wind whistled round.

With Dave at one corner,

and Carole at the end,

they manoeuvred the canvas,

as the tent poles did bend.

The wind gave a gust,

they clung on for grim death,

as they ran round the field,

gasping for breath.

‘Twould make you laugh,

such a comical sight,

to see Dave and Carole,

fly a tent like a kite!

The tent it was pitched,

it was finally done!

They snuggled inside,

toes and fingers were numb.

Sat in their thermals,

gloves, scarves and a vest,

in sleeping bags huddled,

what to do for the best?

They took a deep breath,

Dave let out a groan,

they took their tent down,

and travelled back home.

By Alexandra Carr-Malcolm

The Queen’s Dreams

17 Friday Apr 2015

Posted by Worldly Winds in Children's poetry, Humour, NaPoWriMo, Poetry

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Alex Carr-Malcolm poet, Alex Carr-Malcolm poetry, Alexandra Carr-Malcolm, napowrimo, poetry, Queen, Queen Elizabeth, The Queen's Dreams, UK poet, Uk poetry, writing, Yorkshire poet

The Queen sat on her regal throne,

surveying all she could see;

(but really all she wanted

was a lovely cup of tea.)

Crowds were waiting with baited breath,

the flags were all a flutter.

Cameras flashed from left to right

(Tea with scones and some butter!)

Reporters pushed and jostled the crowd;

Policeman guarded the path,

visitors cheered and children waved

(after tea, a bubble bath?)

Back home at the palace, all alone

she kicked off her royal shoes,

sank into her favourite comfy chair

(and wiggled her aching toes)

Hither and thither the corgis scamper,

pleased to be back at home –

Emma, Linnet, Holly, and Willow

(Oh for some time alone!)

The Queen was tired and went to bed,

she snuggled down to rest;

thinking of the day’s events

(My job is just the best!)

by Alexandra Carr-Malcolm

Picture credit: https://uk.pinterest.com/pin/522487994239540143/

Beryl Cook’s amusing contribution to the Queen’s Golden Jubilee, ‘The Royal Couple’ featured in the Golden Jubilee Exhibition, May 2002, at Art London, Chelsea.

It’s Not Easy Being Me

16 Thursday Apr 2015

Posted by Worldly Winds in Humour, NaPoWriMo, Poetry

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

Alex Carr-Malcolm poet, Alex Carr-Malcolm poetry, Alexandra Carr-Malcolm, humour, napowrimo, poetry, UK poet, Uk poetry, writing, Yorkshire poet

I know that I’m quite different.

I realise I’m strange;

that feeling that I don’t quite fit,

you stare like I’m deranged!

I think quite different, that I know,

my thoughts are upside-down;

If you say left then I’ll say right

and when I smile you frown.

We are from different planets

you’re black and I am white,

but one thing that is evident

you’re wrong and I am right.

Don’t scowl or try to judge me,

sit back and wait and see.

I really am quite perfect,

It’s not easy being me!

©It’s not easy being me 2012

By Alexandra Carr-Malcolm

A Love Limerick

06 Monday Apr 2015

Posted by Worldly Winds in Humour, NaPoWriMo, Poetry

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

Alex Carr-Malcolm poet, Alex Carr-Malcolm poetry, Alexandra Carr-Malcolm, Cupid, Falling in love, humour, Limerick, love, napowrimo, poetry, UK poet, Uk poetry, writing, Yorkshire poet

When hit by an arrow from Cupid,

you act extraordinarily stupid,

You lose your spine,

and lose your mind,

and the world you see isn’t lucid!

by Alexandra Carr-Malcolm

Picture Credit: https://uk.pinterest.com/pin/353603008214749103/

Pinterest: Елена Секретарюк

Camping Capers

01 Friday Aug 2014

Posted by Worldly Winds in Humour, Poetry

≈ 23 Comments

Tags

Alex Carr-Malcolm poet, Alexandra Carr-Malcolm, camping, humour, poetry, UK poet, Uk poetry, Yorkshire poet

Here’s a silly one I wrote a couple of years ago – and guess what – we are going back to Devon…. in a Chalet! Should be a fun week as hubby and I are both ill, eldest son is not happy as there is no wifi connection, so in essence I am ruining his social life and love life!! Only my youngest is up for this trip! Hopefully it may inspire a few more poems! See you all in a week!!

I’m back from Devon,

I really am!

We stayed in a tent –

not a caravan!

They said it’d be cold,

I didn’t believe ‘em,

now I want to go home,

to my central heating.

The tent was fun,

it really was!

I really enjoyed it,

despite the frost.

The night was long,

we had power cuts;

we couldn’t do owt,

it drove us nuts!

The rain lashed down,

and the winds were a fright.

We sat and played Black Jack

on a cold, dark camp site.

I hated the night time,

I really did!

It was so flippin’ noisy,

sleep? – God forbid!

For hours at a time

the little ones whinged.

All the drunks they sang songs,

whilst the sober ones cringed.

Early morning was quiet.

No – I lied, it was not!

The babies would bawl

to get out of their cot.

The mud was fun

as we took down the tent;

the rain not so much,

and I started to vent!

A six hour trip

and now we are near.

Was it all worth it –

shall we do it next year?

by Alexandra Carr-Malcolm

camping, tent (Photo credit: Wikipedia)”]

The Hula-Hoop of Hindrance

13 Sunday Jul 2014

Posted by Worldly Winds in Buddhism, Humour, Poetry

≈ 10 Comments

Tags

abusive relationships, Alex Carr-Malcolm poet, Alexandra Carr-Malcolm, bad habits, Buddhism, eating disorder, freedom, habits, hindrances, humour, poetry, UK poet, Uk poetry, Yorkshire poet

I saw it in the playground,

when I was only three,

the hula-hoop of hindrance,

resting by a tree.

It was pretty, pink, and sparkly,

with unicorns and glitter,

it even had, ‘go faster’ stripes,

so I could hula quicker.

I put it ‘round my tiny waist,

and hula’d round the yard,

little did I realise,

that it would make life hard.

I learned to love my hula-hoop,

though I was only four,

when I went to bed at night,

I’d leave it by the door.

I realised when I was five

(and also at aged six)

that I had been quite naïve

my hula habit fixed

This went on – my dearest friends,

throughout my adult life,

attachment to my hula-hoop,

caused me so much strife.

When cooking in the kitchen,

and trying to eat my dinner,

my hula hoop got in the way,

and I just grew much thinner.

and when I met my boyfriend,

I’d hula-hoop for joy,

but holding hands whilst hula-ing,

well… the romance is destroyed.

When I went upon retreat,

there was no problem there;

for there were many hula hoops,

that we could swap and share!

Then, Maitripala gave a talk,

about the hula habit,

if we can see the gateway….

the freedom’s there, so grab it!!

One day I hope my hula-hoop,

will rest against that tree,

and if you choose to have a go,

it’s going, gratis, free!!

by Alexandra Carr-Malcolm

Photo Credit: Photo By Fotolia/Stockshoppe

Ode to my Sons

17 Saturday May 2014

Posted by Worldly Winds in Humour, Poetry

≈ 26 Comments

Tags

Alexandra Carr-Malcolm, Alexandra Carr-Malcolm poet, Derbyshire poetry, humour, Mother, Mum, poetry, teenagers, UK poet, Uk poetry, Yorkshire poet

The toilet is a clever thing

with a lid, most like a door;

so please don’t wee upon the seat

or pee upon the floor!

Microwave or cooker,

it really matters not,

this magical flamboyance

will make your meals get hot.

Dishwashers are quite practical,

they clean pots ’til they gleam.

No clever sleight or trick to it,

just put the damn things in!

Crockery, pots and cutlery,

are aids to keep you fed,

they aren’t for decoration,

don’t put them under your bed!

Food is quite sensational,

groovy in every way;

but when I go out shopping

don’t eat it in a day.

Clothes are sneaky demons,

they hide and split and breed,

but when they are all dirty

please put them in the machine.

Doors really are quite functional

they keep out draft and cold

and if you are from Derbyshire,

we say * ‘put wood in t’hole!’

The dog is cute, the dog is cool,

on this I must agree;

get of your arse, once in a while,

and take him for a wee.

I am your Mum – pink is my colour,

pink means it is MY stuff,

from ipod, pens to scarf and socks,

just keep your damn hands off!

*Put wood in t’hole (put the wood in the hole) Derbyshire saying meaning – shut the door!!!

by Alexandra Carr-Malcolm

Big Pants

16 Wednesday Apr 2014

Posted by Worldly Winds in Humour, NaPoWriMo, Poetry

≈ 16 Comments

Tags

Alexandra Carr-Malcolm, Big pants, humour, napowrimo, poetry, UK poet, Uk poetry, Yorkshire poet

A lady of a certain age,

adjusts her wardrobe,

to engage.

According to her needs;

to please her comport,

and ease discomfort.

That’s why I am,

wearing big pants today;

in order that I can,

Keep warm my back,

and show no crack –

the days long gone,

of scanty clad,

and frilly frills,

dressed to thrill,

send passionate pulses

palpitating – No!

I’m wearing big pants today,

and – just in case…

Of what, I know not,

I’ve packed two extra pairs!

By Alexandra Carr-Malcolm

English: Drawing of cat wearing pants (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Worldly Winds

~ It's not easy being me!

Category Archives: Humour

St Helena’s Reply

The Hula-Hoop of Hindrance

Carole Withany (Series)

The Queen’s Dreams

It’s Not Easy Being Me

A Love Limerick

Camping Capers

The Hula-Hoop of Hindrance

Ode to my Sons

Big Pants

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