The toilet is a clever thing
with a lid, most like a door;
so please don’t wee upon the seat
or pee upon the floor!
Microwave or cooker,
it really matters not,
this magical flamboyance
will make your meals get hot.
Dishwashers are quite practical,
they clean pots ’til they gleam.
No clever sleight or trick to it,
just put the damn things in!
Crockery -or pots as we call them
are aids to keep you fed,
they aren’t for decoration,
don’t put them under your bed!
Food is quite sensational,
groovy in every way;
but when I go out shopping
don’t eat it in a day.
Clothes are sneaky demons,
they hide and split and breed,
but when they are all dirty
please put them in the machine.
Doors really are quite functional
they keep out draft and cold
and if you are from Derbyshire,
we say * ‘put wood in t’hole!’
The dog is cute, the dog is cool,
on this I must agree;
get of your arse, once in a while,
and take him for a wee.
I am your Mum – pink is my colour,
pink means it is MY stuff,
from ipod, pens to scarf and socks,
just keep your damn hands off!
* Derbyshire saying meaning – shut the door!!!
© Ode to my Sons 2012
by Alexandra Carr-Malcolm