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Worldly Winds

Category Archives: Humour

Tipping Sheep (the right way)

06 Friday Jul 2012

Posted by Worldly Winds in Daily life, Humour, Poetry

≈ 37 Comments

Tags

camping, humour, poetry, sheep

 

 

 

 

 

 

With face of delight,

my son runs to me –

“I’ve tipped up a sheep!”

he shouted with glee.

 

My face drops with horror.

Well how could this be?

Am I the worst mother,

has he learned nothing from me?

 

“Calm down Mother!”

my son reassures.

“It’s not as you think,”

with derision he snorts.

 

“We walked in a field,

(in the group we were five,)

saw a sheep on its back,

with legs waving at sky.

 

It soon came apparent,

from what we could see,

that the sheep was so stuck,

‘twas a strange sight to see.

 

We tried hard to lift her,

but to no avail,

she was fat, wet, and smelly,

the weight of a whale.

 

Then out of the blue,

an idea did occur,

we spread out our groundsheet,

to roll her on there.

 

With one mighty tug,

we pulled the sheet up,

and the sheep it did tip,

(the right way up!)

 

So, off with a wobble,

and a, ‘baa,’ of delight,

the sheep she then trotted –

it was quite a sight!

 

So you see Mum, it’s true,

the things I did say,

we tipped up a sheep.”

(Thankfully – the right way!)

 

My Son says, I must point out that this is a true story. Whilst on a Duke of Edinburgh expedition, they encountered a sheep who was stuck on her back.

He told the story exactly as above – I was so relieved to find he had actually saved a sheep by tipping it up the right way, and hadn’t tipped a sheep over the wrong way!

He did give a talk at school about the ‘tipping up a sheep’ encounter, though I did advise him to change the title to ‘Saving a sheep’s life!’ (I was worried the teachers may have had a mild panic attack on seeing the title of his talk!)

 

 

©Tipping Sheep (the right way) 2012

By Alexandra Carr-Malcolm

Photo Credit

 © Copyright Nigel Mykura and licensed for reuse under this Creative Commons Licence

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Big Pants

04 Wednesday Jul 2012

Posted by Worldly Winds in Humour, Poetry

≈ 24 Comments

Tags

Big pants, humour, ladies of a certain age, poetry

English: Drawing of cat wearing pants


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A lady of a certain age,

adjusts her wardrobe,

to engage.

According to her needs;

to please her comport,

and ease discomfort.

That’s why I am,

wearing big pants today;

in order that I can,

Keep warm my back,

and show no crack –

the days long gone,

of scanty clad,

and frilly frills,

dressed to thrill,

send passionate pulses

palpitating – No!

I’m wearing big pants today,

and – just in case…

Of what, I know not,

I’ve packed two extra pairs!

 

© Big Pants 2012

By Alexandra Carr-Malcolm

English: Drawing of cat wearing pants (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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Julie’s Poem

30 Saturday Jun 2012

Posted by Worldly Winds in Buddhism, Humour, Poetry

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

Buddhism, humour, Kasa, knitting, Ordination process, poetry, Triratna Buddhist Order

 

 

 

 

With knitted Kasas,

we’re on retreat,

we’re not in the Order,

but we’ve reserved a seat!

 

We’re not a Chapter,

not quite yet,

we’re just a paragraph –

On your marks get set!

 

© Julie’s Poem 2012

By Alexandra Carr-Malcolm

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1st Class!!!

30 Saturday Jun 2012

Posted by Worldly Winds in Buddhism, Deep Stuff!, Humour, Poetry

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Buddha, Buddhism, Dharma, enlightenment, poetry, quest, Sangharakshita, Worldly Winds

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’ve bought my ticket,

I’m going 1st Class!

Setting out on this quest,

on this lives long path.

 

My past is a story,

an interesting read,

but I’m leaving my baggage,

of which I don’t need.

 

I look through the window,

recognise all I see,

the Buddha land scenery,

familiar to me.

 

The weather is clement,

worldly winds have calmed,

the passengers valiant,

Dharma Sister’s at alms.

 

I’m enjoying the journey,

no rush to get there;

with guide book in hand,

and the wind in my hair!

 

We stop at the station,

other travellers alight,

we’re sharing this vision,

Enlightenment in sight.

 

©1st Class!! 2012

By Alexandra Carr-Malcolm

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I’m Sorry

14 Thursday Jun 2012

Posted by Worldly Winds in Daily life, Humour, Poetry

≈ 18 Comments

Tags

humour, poetry, Sorry

I’m sorry I used your toothbrush,

really I truly am.

I don’t know what came over me,

please don’t tell me Mam!

 

I really wasn’t thinking straight,

it was merely my mistake,

I saw it sat upon the sink,

it was the obvious choice to take.

 

A spur of the moment action,

to right some rancid breath,

a brush, a swill, to clear the air,

to prevent halitosis death.

 

I thought I was doing the right thing,

just to help out, you see?

To make his teeth go pearly white,

with breath all minty and clean.

 

I know it was quite wrong of me,

and it really wasn’t right,

but now at least the doggies teeth,

are clean and really white!

Smiling Dog

Smiling Dog (Photo credit: A. Davey)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

© I’m Sorry 2012

By Alexandra Carr-Malcolm

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Never Trust a Faerie

28 Monday May 2012

Posted by Worldly Winds in Deep Stuff!, Humour, Poetry

≈ 22 Comments

Tags

dragon, evil, faerie, gossamer, humour, milk teeth, mischief, poetry, sabotage

English: Title: "Fairies Looking Through ...

 

 

 

 

 

Never trust a faerie,

‘tho pretty they may seem,

for when you are not looking,

they swear, and spit, and scream.

 

Do not be fooled by faerie’s,

their legendry looks well known,

they are not sweet, like in the books,

so please do not be thrown.

 

Depicted as the sweetest sight,

with wings that flitter and flutter,

dresses made of gossamer,

they melt your heart like butter.

 

It’s little known that faeries bite,

or that they would cause harm;

please don’t blame the insects,

for that nip upon your arm.

 

With golden curls that tumble down,

around their tiny frame,

with mischief and with sabotage,

the faeries are to blame.

 

When things go wrong around the house,

you know they are at play,

they wreck your plans, and break your things,

and ruin a good day.

 

You may think it is admirable,

they collect teeth from your mouth,

but how do you think they get so loose?

They punch the milk teeth out!

 

Never trust a faerie,

they are evil, sour, and bitter.

Do not be fooled by how they look,

an angry dragon’s sweeter!

 

 

© Faeries 2012

By Alexandra Carr-Malcolm


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Fair Days and Foul

24 Thursday May 2012

Posted by Worldly Winds in Daily life, Humour, Love, Poetry

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

butterflies, buzzy bees, candy floss, depression, essence, excitement, fairground, giggle, happiness, heart, kites, lairy, love, oscilloscope, poetry, skipping

A waltzer in motion. The operator walks the bo...

 

 

 

 

 

 

My tummy feels like summer,

or a giggle just set free,

like a flitter of lairy butterflies,

and a swarm of buzzy bees.

 

My heart beats to the rhythm,

of girls who jump the rope,

bouncing like a bright beach ball,

shown on some Oscilloscope.

 

My mind spins like the waltzer,

at a gaily lit up fair.

My head is full of candy floss,

and kites that surf the air.

 

If I could catch the essence,

and save a jar or two,

I’d keep them in my cupboard,

for when I’m feeling blue.

 

 

© Fair Days and Foul 2012

By Alexandra Carr-Malcolm

A waltzer in motion. The operator walks the boards to spin the cars (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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A Big Old Hug

21 Monday May 2012

Posted by Worldly Winds in Humour, Poetry

≈ 12 Comments

Tags

Blog, comments, Hug, inspire, poetry, reading, spam, WordPress, writing

Teddy

Teddy (Photo credit: NiteLynx)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m sorry if I don’t get to you,

I apologise, I’m slow,

four hundred plus emails,

my inbox about to blow!

 

I know I’m not quite regular,

at times I can be slack;

I promise I’ll try to visit you,

and leave a message back!

 

My stupid orange counter thing,

It only goes to nine;

I have to trawl the comments page,

to check, approve, decline!

 

The spam thing – what’s all that about?

Messages, I just don’t get??

Enlarge my what?!! Increase my stats?!

Delete, delete, forget!!

 

I try my best, I really do,

so many blogs to read,

It’s becoming like a full time job,

an assistant, I so need!

 

I’d like to say to everyone,

who’s liked or followed me,

to each I’d give a big old hug,

you’ve all inspired me!!

 

© A Big Old Hug 2012

By Alexandra Carr-Malcolm

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A Spot of Silliness!

17 Thursday May 2012

Posted by Worldly Winds in Humour, Poetry

≈ 14 Comments

Tags

aging, humour, poet, poet's way, poetry, wit, writing, youth

 

 

 

 

 

 

I never was classed, ‘pretty’,

I was never deemed, ‘a babe’,

I chose instead to use my wit,

and walk the poet’s way.

 

My years of youth are over,

my life is halfway done,

philosophies from Yoda,

A wise old bird I am.

 

 

© A Spot of Silliness 2012

By Alexandra Carr-Malcolm

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Oh Dear!

11 Friday May 2012

Posted by Worldly Winds in Daily life, Humour, Poetry

≈ 8 Comments

Tags

humour, mistake, poetry, shame, vanity

Oh dear!

What have I done?

How did this happen?

I’ve come undone!

 

I should’ve known

that this would be,

and that it would

go wrong for me.

 

What should be fun,

and cause no harm,

has gone quite wrong,

and caused alarm.

 

I’m so ashamed,

that it would be,

so obvious,

for all to see.

 

Now my mistake,

whilst unintended,

was caused by vanity,

and can’t be mended.

 

I’ve learned my lesson

and felt such pain.

I’ve rued the day,

and burned with shame!

 

© Oh Dear!

By Alexandra Carr-Malcolm

Dunce

Dunce (Photo credit: Candie_N (Will organize photostream eventually))

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