The toilet is a clever thing

with a lid, most like a door;

so please don’t wee upon the seat

or pee upon the floor!

 

Microwave or cooker,

it really matters not,

this magical flamboyance

will make your meals get hot.

 

Dishwashers are quite practical,

they clean pots ’til they gleam.

No clever sleight or trick to it,

just put the damn things in!

 

Crockery, pots and cutlery,

are aids to keep you fed,

they aren’t for decoration,

don’t put them under your bed!

 

Food is quite sensational,

groovy in every way;

but when I go out shopping

don’t eat it in a day.

 

Clothes are sneaky demons,

they hide and split and breed,

but when they are all dirty

please put them in the machine.

 

Doors really are quite functional

they keep out draft and cold

and if you are from Derbyshire,

we say * ‘put wood in t’hole!’

 

The dog is cute, the dog is cool,

on this I must agree;

get of your arse, once in a while,

and take him for a wee.

 

I am your Mum – pink is my colour,

pink means it is MY stuff,

from ipod, pens to scarf and socks,

just keep your damn hands off!

 

*Put wood in t’hole (put the wood in the hole) Derbyshire saying meaning – shut the door!!!

 

© Ode to my Sons 2012

by Alexandra Carr-Malcolm